How To Be More Comfortable With Intimacy

How comfortable are you with intimacy? My coach used to say that actors do in public what most people won’t even talk about in private. But for some people, emotional or vulnerable scenes (not just sex scenes) are a real struggle. That’s because this form of connection takes practice, and the key lies with our relationship with our own bodies and spirit.

When you feel good in your own skin and confident in your worth, it is easier to build trust with another person, be it a scene partner, a coach or mentor, a close friend or a romantic partner. 

We humans are not meant to be alone. We are meant to be in community, connected deeply to other people. Without that, we can increase our risk of depression, chronic health issues and self-destructive behaviors. 

That’s why I consider relationships to be one of the vital foods that fuels us.

But after two years of social distancing, self tapes and masks—we could all probably use a refresher on how to get more comfortable with intimacy again.

Here are my Top 4 Tips to help you nurture relationships, old and new.

1) Get In Touch With Yourself First.

And I do mean touch literally. 

Being comfortable in your own skin will make an on set experience easier. There may be a lot of crew around and little physical coverage, and as a professional, you’re going to be expected to dive in immediately. You don’t want to waste time getting over your awkwardness when you need to be paying attention to what’s happening in the scene. 

Plus, when you explore what brings you pleasure, you’ll be able to better communicate that with your lover once you’re back in your own boudoir. 

Here’s a simple exercise I love to help you connect with your physical body on a deeper level.

Get all nuded up in front of the mirror, and use very warm to hot water to wet a soft washcloth. You can even add some essential oils if that’s your jam.  Start at your feet and work your way up your legs in a circular motion towards your heart, similar to dry brushing. Do the same motion up your arms and over your abdomen. 

Throughout this beautiful self care practice, say aloud the mantra “My body is beautiful, strong and healthy” (because it is!). And thank your amazing body for all it does for you! 

This is a beautiful way to really be super loving to your body!! 

Click here for more ideas you can practice on the daily to give yourself a real breather, regardless of whether you have 5 minutes or 5 hours.

2) Be Clear On Your Boundaries.

As actors especially, we spend far too much time molding our lives around other people’s behavior and expectations. 

Setting boundaries can be one of the most difficult conversations to have, so many people avoid them. But I want to challenge you to take your power back and take a closer look at how to communicate clearly when something just needs to be said. 

This will lead to healthier, more respectful relationships in your life, which are essential for your growth as a human being. 

Here are some quick tips on how to set healthy boundaries. 

3) Break Out Of Your Same Old Routine.

When relationships start to sour, it’s often because things have gotten monotonous. We can become creatures of habit, but I get it. We live busy lives and adventures can seem like a lot of effort to plan and execute. 

Stiil, as they say, variety is the spice of life!  So shake up your traditional date nights with new activities. Plan a getaway trip with your girlfriends or put a bunch of ideas in a hat and pull out new ones for each new get-together. 

Even on set, where intimacy is highly choreographed, there can still be room for you and your scene partner to create spontaneity and improvise beyond what’s on the page. (Just make sure you’re not crossing boundaries when you do so.) 

4) Let Go of Expectations. 

If you want to be more comfortable with intimacy, you need to remember that it’s never perfect. If you’re all tied up in your thoughts of looking a certain way or being perceived in a specific light, you’ll lose the present moment. 

And as artists (and human beings), that is where the magic is. 

So surrender yourself to the experience and simply focus on connecting with your partner (or yourself) and go with the flow.

How do you get more comfortable with intimacy? How are you nurturing your relationships during this strange and sometimes difficult time?  Let me know in the comments below!