Radical Gratitude: How To Be Grateful For Un-Gracious People In Your Life

Hello, my jubilant Plante Lifers!

Now matter how much you love the holidays, it’s impossible to stay excited and joyful all the time… especially when you run into one of “those people”. You know who I am talking about, the Debbie Downers, that aunt who always wants to fight with you about politics, or that cousin who just won’t stop pestering you about your love life – or your lack thereof. Bridget Jones, anyone?

Those people drop the happiness meter faster than a hail storm. But in the giving spirit of the season, I want to share with you a few ways to you can take your new gratitude practice we’ve been working on this month and apply it to those not-so-gracious people in your life.

Here is a tutorial on how to turn frustration with frenemies into happier holidays with some radical gratitude.

Different Strokes For Different Folks

This first step is always the hardest, listen. Even if you don’t agree with what someone is saying, practice the Golden Rule and give them the respect you’d want them to show you. Let them express their opinion, and try your best to be in the moment and take in their perspective, without rolling your eyes.

Most people just want a chance to be heard, and it’s always valuable to learn about a new life perspective even if you don’t agree with it. I have a client who whenever she begins a conversation with someone who triggers her, she hears Kayne West in her head saying, “Imma let you finish, Imma let you finish…” as a reminder to loosen up and tune in to the conversation, instead of interrupting with her response before they finish talking.

And be sure to show your appreciation for the other person sharing their thoughts with you; you never know if it’s actually difficult or nerve-wracking for them as well.

Plan Your Reaction

Michelle Obama says, “When they go low, we go high,” – and that doesn’t mean you need to be a doormat if someone is attacking you. But perhaps resist the urge to react negatively by planning ahead how you will respond to difficult people you just know you’ll run into over the holidays.

Here’s a technique from Psychology Today, use “If/Then” thinking, so for example, “If my mother tells me my job isn’t a real job, then I will respond by saying, ‘Actually, it is. I really enjoy what I’m doing, and I would appreciate it if you’d respect that.’

Thanks For All The Fish!

In the movie Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, dolphins are aware of the impending destruction of the planet, but humans don’t understand their warnings. The dolphins send a final message to everyone, and it’s not, “I told you so,” but instead, “So long, and thanks for all the fish!”  In a moment of despair, they still show gratitude for the little things.

That’s an extreme scenario, but giving yourself a break to sit in gratitude for a few minutes will give your body and mind a powerful boost. Even if it’s as simple as enjoying a deep breath, appreciating a good cup of coffee or praising the invention of twinkle lights – reflect on what is working and positive in your life, right now.

Lessons Learned

“When something negative occurs, one can either move forward or backwards but not stay in the same place”, so when you encounter a difficult person, incorporate the experience into your gratitude practice. Journal about what the experience taught you and how that person has helped shape who you are today (which is a badass goddess, by the way 🙂 We do not grow in our comfort zone, so show gratitude to the Universe for putting that lesson in front of you. This way you can move forward with new knowledge, strength and compassion (for yourself and others!).

So how will you handle “those” people this holiday season? I’d love to know how you work in some radical gratitude this time around!! Let me know in the comments below.

 

LOVE + calmer conversations!