Where You Really Find Your Self-Worth

I want to share an important message with you about self-worth and where you actually find it. 

Especially this year, our bodies have gone through the ringer—from the stress of working from home, homeschooling kids, social and political anxiety, financial woes, being isolated from loved ones, too much junk food, not enough accessible healthy options, closed gyms and fitness studios, and of course, a very real and very scary virus. So when I hear people lamenting about how much weight they’ve gained this year and how urgently they need to lose their “quarantine 15” before they can emerge back into society, my heart drops. 

Let me just say this: your self-worth has nothing to do with how you look on the outside.

But boy oh boy, we are sooooo conditioned to think that it does. That if we could just be thinner, prettier, more handsome, more tan…or, wait, maybe it’s curvier, smoother skin, or (insert whatever new feature is the fad du jour)—and beat our head against the wall to get that way, everything would fall into place. And then we could stop worrying about it and finally be happy.

Sounds exhausting, right!? 

As a coach, I don’t mentor from a weight-loss perspective. I coach from a body-love perspective because I know that when you learn to appreciate the skin you’re in, at any and every time period in your life, more wondrous, life-changing effects take place than just losing a few LBs.  Plus, the weight you so badly want to lose ends up taking care of itself in other ways.

So before you wade into the ocean of New Year discounted diets and must-try cleanses, here is a little self-worth pep talk, to help you focus on what’s really important.

I am very #anti-diet. I don’t believe in them, but I fell victim to their self-worth trap once upon a time too. 

Before I became a certified health coach, I was just another actor trying to make a good impression, trying to fit myself into what I thought I should look like, and please everyone around me—my acting teacher, my agent, my manager, the casting director, the director, even my co-stars. I was addicted to diets and cleanses, and I would kill myself whenever I booked a job, just to make sure I was thin enough.

Guess how that left me feeling? (If you said empty and exhausted, you’re a winner!)

Fortunately, the industry is slowly changing and shifting, and there are so many conversations happening around more conscientious casting. TV and film needs to represent all of us, and hello! We’re all different shapes and sizes.

Once I made the commitment to my health for ME, I began to see diet culture for what it is—a  multi-billion dollar industry designed to make you feel bad in order to sell you things with the promise of you liking yourself more. 

Perhaps this sounds harsh, but your self-worth has nothing to do with your weight. Your self-worth has nothing to do with body fat. You are worthy regardless and always.  

The most important thing to me as a coach is to not put clients on strict diets or workouts. It’s really about feeling good in your body now. Like we discussed last week, what can you do today to feel good in your body right now? 

I’ll be frank, this work requires you to dig deep and expose all those negative stories you’re telling yourself about your body that hold you back and block your bright, beautiful energy. It can bring up a lot of uncomfortable feelings, but in the end, it’s worth it to heal old wounds and move forward in a positive, healthy direction. 

Here are a few quick tips about the process:

1. Embrace Silence. Being still and quieting your mind means you only have yourself to focus on. You’ll quickly see how all that “stuff” on your to-do list has been a distraction from dealing with the scary emotions.
   
2. Engage Your Intuitive. Get in the practice of tuning-in and listening to the messages your body is sending you (and it is sending you messages all the time!), so you can better take care of it.
    
3. Dump the Dead-Ends. Once you take a hard look at your beliefs in regards to your self-worth, it’s time to let go of the ones that are no longer serving you. Fill the void with affirmations and new, healthier habits. 

4. Get Out Of Your Own Way. Progress is not always linear, and some days you’ll feel like you’re back at square one (even if you’re not). And that’s totally OK! Trust the process, and keep going. 

5. And Ask for Help! It’s perfectly okay to ask for help when you need it. Find someone to help you stay the course, to help you uncover those hidden beliefs, to help keep you accountable. I wasn’t able to do it on my own. I needed accountability and some structure that wasn’t restrictive. I’ve had and still do get LOTS of help from coaches!
   

There is nothing wrong with wanting certain results from your fitness and healthy eating habits, but those end-goals need to come from a place of love. They also need to come from shifting your beliefs and patterns, shifting your behavior rather than only focusing on the end goal. 

Make a commitment to your health because YOU want to make changes. Not because of an Instagram post by a random celebrity or a magazine article about a new fad diet with big promises. Or even because of a shitty comment someone might have made towards you.

I want to help people learn to love themselves every step of the way, because we live in our bodies 24/7, not only when things are “just right”. I hope you’ll join me and commit to getting in tune with your body, leaving outdated beliefs behind and appreciating your worth in 2021. 

Sound off in The Badass Beauty Club on Facebook, and let me know! And be sure to join me for a LIVE discussion there every Friday at 9AM PT. 

LOVE + (self) LOVE!