We all do it. Overcommit. And it’s hard to stop. But believe it or not, the word NO is a complete sentence— and overcommitting is actually what keeps us from getting what we want
It’s said that you can never have too much of a good thing, but is that really true? Too much chocolate cake will leave you with a serious stomach ache, too much sunshine can give you a nasty burn, and too many puppies — no, I draw the line at puppies. Puppies are the exception. 😉
And yes, you can have too many opportunities. Or rather, you can accept too many of them, and cram every corner of your calendar and Passion Planner and inbox with so many commitments that you no longer have any time left for yourself. Between demanding jobs, ambitious goals, maintaining your health (because let’s be real, it does take work to stay healthy), and nurturing relationships, there are already a lot of arms pulling you in different directions.
And in the health, wellness, and personal development arena—we are flooded with messages about grabbing opportunity, trying new things, taking actions, and helping our fellow women out. But the flip side of that urgency is this pressure to fill up on more commitments than you have hours in the day to handle. It’s the fear of missing out on overdrive. Am I missing out on who I’m meant to be if you don’t do all these things?
FYI, no, you’re not. 😉
Overcommitment may feel like a failure because it comes bundled in stress and overwhelm, but it’s something you can 100% work through (and work on) to prevent from happening again.
The Pitfalls of Too Much Stress
When your body goes into that “flight or fight mode” under pressure, it’s like an episode of a sci-fi movie. The ship is under attack and all the power is diverted to the shields, or in terms of your body, to your vital organs to keep you alive — and totally disrupts your body’s circadian rhythm flooding your system with the stress hormone, cortisol.
As other parts of your body don’t have as much fuel, they don’t run as efficiently or at all, and your body begins to hold on to toxins — and weight. This buildup can lead to digestive issues, skin irritation, and inflammation. In addition, stress causes spasms in your gut, according to gastroenterologist, Ashkan Farhadi, which can lead to constipation or diarrhea depending on where in your colon the spasms are occurring.
People also tend to make bad food choices when they are under a lot of pressure, opting for quick, processed foods instead of something balanced with organic, whole foods to consume and enjoy slowly. We’ve talked before about how addictive sugar is; it literally rewires your brain to not interpret when you’re hungry and can cause flare ups of bacteria like candida that cause you to crave even more sugar to “feel better” in a never ending cycle.
This coupled with staying up late to finish work under the wire or expelling tons of extra energy to run around town to various commitments can take a HUGE toll on your sleep schedule (that circadian rhythm I mentioned earlier) and ability to fight fatigue. It’s why even if you do get a full night’s rest, you still feel like you’ve been hit by a freight train the next day.
When we’re overcommitted, it’s easy to rationalize these micro-decisions as necessary evils — “It’s just this one bag of chips, I’m short on time, I’ll get back on track once this project is over” – but they add up and the price after the fact is paid heavily by our overall health.
Check out this list of five common S.O.S. signals our bodies send under stress and how you can give your body some much-needed TLC. It will help you get your badass self back on track physically.
Time To Manage Like A Boss
Whether it’s a work deadline or a side project, there are simple time management strategies you can incorporate to free up more time for yourself. Delegate whatever tasks you can, especially the things that are not in your zone of genius — and while things are super busy, only keep items on your to-do list that are BOTH urgent and important.
This is where creating healthy boundaries is also paramount, so be sure to get a refresher here on how to set and maintain those “lines in the proverbial sand” with grace and confidence.
The most important method to breaking through the fog of overcommitment is to start saying “No” more often, which is so hard for women, especially at work where you want to be thought of as a team player. “No” can feel too aggressive and rude, and we tend to beat ourselves up about it afterwards. It’s like calling ourselves a b!%$h behind our own back, even when no one else has a problem with us standing our ground.
Working on setting boundaries more often will help (practice makes perfect!), but here are a few other things to remember when you’re laying down that big ol’ N-O.
- Make sure it is really a NO first. Obviously, we’re talking about not taking on too many tasks and commitments here, but that doesn’t mean you have to say no to a wonderful, exciting opportunity. In fact, being able to tell the difference between something that you should say no to and something aligned with your core values and goals will help you create that space you need in your life for bigger, better things to come in.
Be honest with yourself about how much time and energy the new to-do will take and whether you have the mental and physical capacity to fit it in. It’s totally OK to ask for more time to think it through before making a decision, especially if it’s a huge responsibility or life change. - Stay firm, but be kind. If you have to decline, The Harvard Business Review recommends striving for a neutral no. You don’t want the other person to feel guilty or bad for asking for help, and you may also want to remain open for future chances to be involved. So stand strong with your response, and no massive apology tour! You have nothing to feel guilty about, girl.
- Practice (again) makes perfect. Learn to love hearing that word “no” coming out of your mouth. Say it aloud. Own it. Gather your girlfriends and have a big no-athon, if you want. The more you get used to saying it behind closed doors, in your safe space, the better prepared and confident you’ll feel sharing it when it matters most.
Manage Your Mindset
Even after implementing these strategies and reducing your workload, shutting off that feeling of overwhelm that accompanies overcommitment can be difficult. The root of this compounded stress is often about control. We all want to solve problems, and when the answers don’t appear quickly, it’s frustrating. And it’s so easy to get caught up in a shame spiral of negative talk.
I love this idea: “When it feels like you can’t do anything, that’s exactly when you need to do something.” Remember that what you’re feeling in that uncomfortable moment is just a season, and it will pass soon enough. To help move time along, the next best thing to Doc Brown and a Delorean is get your butt moving, even if it’s slow steps at first.
The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. Think back to a time when you were under pressure and still made a slam dunk, a time when you needed to find a creative solution to a problem under a deadline or manage multiple tasks at once efficiently. What was your state of mind like then? I bet it wasn’t frantic, over-caffeinated and miserable.
Were you regularly practicing meditation? Did you incorporate breathwork into your lunch break? Did you avoid coffee and sugar? Listen to calming music? Did you wear your favorite fuzzy socks while brainstorming? No judgment, whatever it is!
So my challenge for you this week is to try to duplicate that positive environment and frame of mind in the here and now, so you can weather this current storm (or a future one) in the same positive way you did once before.
LOVE + relaxation!
You can never have too many puppies!
True that my sister!!